Living Without You
by theonlyeligoldsworthy
Summary: Sequel to Our Story. If you haven't read it I suggest you do so.


Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi.

A/N: Sorry for the wait. I have various ways of how I wanted this chapter to go.

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I woke up the next morning to my alarm clock. CeCe and Bullfrog must've taken care of Ana all night for me since her monitor was gone and I looked beside me. Clare wasn't there and I ran into the bathroom to look for her. Then it hit me when I saw the body pillow with her shirt on it, that last night was real and Clare had gone. I wiped a few tears from my eyes as I hopped in the shower and got ready for school. As I washed my hair memories of Clare flowed in my head as I started to feel more tears run down my face. She was gone and there wasn't anyone or anything that can bring her back. I shook my head before hopping out of the shower and saw Clare's toothbrush sitting in the holder just like every morning, only this morning it won't be used. Nothing of hers will be. I sighed softly as I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes as I tried to withhold my feelings of anger and grief. Not long after I got dressed, I heard Ana crying and immediately went to get her.

"Eli, I told Simpson. You're free to stay home." CeCe stated as I picked up Ana from her crib.

"I know and I'm going to bring Ana with me. I need to get a few of my things." I said honestly. "Plus no one knows." I sighed and kissed Ana as I laid her down to change her diaper and outfit. It took me a few minutes, but I think I did a good job at changing her diaper. After she was dressed I carried her downstairs and fed her as I ate a breakfast sandwich CeCe fixed me, then set her in her car seat and headed to school.

I sighed when I got to Degrassi, I no longer had to worry about Clare or being in the tutoring room. When I finally walked inside with Ana in my arms and a diaper bag replacing my messenger bag, I noticed class had begun and walked to see Simpson. I didn't even have to knock since his door was open and stepped inside. "Eli." he said softly.

"Shocked to see me, sir?" I asked and sat on a chair as Ana moved a little. Mr. Simpson moved to shut the door and sat back down in his seat.

"Yes, you didn't have to come in." he assured.

"I had to." I whispered and wiped my eyes a little. "Everything at home reminds me of Clare. I don't know where else to go." I said honestly and he patted my shoulder to comfort me. I looked back down to Ana and sighed softly. "What if I suck at being a dad?" I asked curiously and looked up at him.

"Eli, it's natural to be afraid of being a bad parent." he assured and pursed his lips to the side. "I can't tell you everything will be ok, but I promise to keep an eye on you and to be here whenever you need to talk to me about anything." he offered and I nodded and wiped my eyes a little. I don't know how I'm going to move on from Clare's death. "I have to say announcements. You're more than welcome to say a few words for Clare." he offered and I accepted. When it was time for announcements I watched Simpson move the mic in front of him, then said what he had to. "I'd like to pass the microphone to a student here who has a few words to say." he stated and handed me the microphone as I thought of a few words.

"Some of you probably saw me around school. Some of you know me. I came here with my girlfriend, Clare Edwards in hopes of a fresh start. She loved it here, though we were both only in two actual classes last year due to her health. I'd like to take a few minutes to say goodbye to her." I wiped my eyes to stop the tears from falling. "Clare passed last night. She said goodbye to us and I tried to keep her here. Drew, this Friday during your game. Score a few touch downs for us." I said and pushed the mic to Mr. Simpson, unable to say anything else.

"Let's take a few minutes of silence in memory of Ms. Edwards." Mr. Simpson said and turned off the microphone.

"I proposed last night. She said yes, but it wasn't in the cards." I muttered not expecting a replay and picked up Ana to head out the door. "Thank you, Mr. Simpson." I smirked and turned around to exit the door. The minute I did I saw Adam and everyone waiting for me. They all took turns hugging me and we all talked for about thirty minutes before Ana woke up again and I had to head home.

Once I got home, I unlocked the door and sat Ana down. I smirked seeing Clare's favorite TV show on and a half empty can of her favorite soda. I sat Ana down and walked around the downstairs looking for her. "Come out, come out wherever you are, gorgeous." I sang out loud like a game of hide and seek when you can't find the person. When I turned back around I noticed the TV was off, the can, gone and Ana just sitting in her carseat where I left her, sound asleep. My mind was playing tricks on me. I unbuckled Ana from her carseat and held her in my arms as I used my thumb to wipe away a few tears from my face and sat down with her. "Your mommy was the most caring, loving, and patient girl in the world and I loved her very very very much." I smirked at her and wiped a few more tears. "I'm sorry I'm crying while holding you. I just miss her so much." I apologized to my sleeping new born and placed her in her crib. Minutes later the doorbell rang as I stood up to get it figuring someone decided to skip class to see me or Ana and I. I opened the door to find out I was wrong.

"May I help you?" I asked curiously.

"I want to see my daughter." Helen said, her voice a bit nervous.

"You and me both." I chuckled darkly.

"She's not here?" Helen asked.

"If you want to see her, wait to the funeral." I sighed and Ana started to cry causing me to leave the door wide open to get her. I pat her bottom a few times since she's eaten on the way home and had a diaper change so I know it's none of those things.

"Is that my grandchild?" Helen asked a few tears coming down her cheeks.

"Yea." I said honestly. "I called you, you know. When Clare went to the hospital for the last time. I also had the school notified to tell you in case you called there." I said honeslty trying not to be mean, though I should, but still they were her parents.

"I know you were closer to Clare than we were. I'm sorry for your loss." Helen said wiping a few tears from her own eyes. "I should've been there for her and did my best to take care of her." she sighed and I absentmindedly kissed Ana's head.

"Clare did leave us something." I trailed off and walked over to her holding Ana. "My daughter." I smiled faintly at her as she looked at Ana.

"She has some of Clare in her." Helen smiled and stood up minutes later, sniffled a little, and burshed her clothes off to remove the wrinkles. "I should go. Give everyone my best." she stated.

"You already did. You gave us Clare. Though she was here for a short while, she gave us everything. She showed me how to love and to be loved, to be patient, forgiveness, I'm the man I am because of her. She was part of our family. She was your best." I said honestly, in my eyes, Clare was. She was the best of everything, her time was just cut too short for anyone's liking and I hate it. As Helen started to leave, I looked at her.

"If you want, I can send pictures of Ana as she grows up and you can come see her whenever you want." I offered and Helen looked at me. "Make up for being..." I trailed off to think of the right word other than 'a horrible mother'.

"A horrible mother." Helen finished my sentence.

"I wouldn't go that far, but yea. You can make it up by getting to know Ana." I shrugged.

"Maybe one day. I want to see where things go now that Jake's back. They've been going good so far, but I started to miss Clare." she admitted and walked out the door. I have every intention of still sending her pictures of Ana as she grows up.

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What do you think?


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